There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane,
with a couple of very important executives on board. He was
coming into Seattle airport through thick fog with less than 10m
visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling
around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts
running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very
nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees
a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.
The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and
shouts to the guy "Hey, where am I? To this, the solitary
office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot
rolls up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and proceeds to
execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5
miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the
fuel has run out. The passengers are amazed and one asks how he
did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the
guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was
100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must
be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just
a while away."
One day God was looking over creation and He decided that He
wasn't really happy with the way things turned out. So He called
the 3 most powerfull men on earth, Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin
and Bill Gates, to come and see Him. He told them that this
expirement with life on earth was a failure, and that in 3 days
He was going to end it. So basically they had 3 days to prepair
their people.
So Boris Yeltsin convenes an emergency meeting of the Russian
Parliment and says: "I have bad news, and really bad news.
First of all, there is a God. Secondly everything we have worked
for since the revolution will be totally destroyed in 3
days."
Bill Clinton makes a State of the Union address to the American
people on TV and says: "I have good news and bad news. First
of all, there is a God. Secondly, everything we have worked for
since the revolution will be destroyed in 3 days."
Bill Gates convenes a meeting of the board of directors and says:
"I have good news, and really good news. First of all, there
is a God, and He spoke to me personally. Secondly, in 3 days we
won't have to worry about the year 2000 problem"
Did you hear about the Microsoft Windows programmer who died?
He found himself in front of a committee that decides whether you
go to Heaven or Hell.
The committee told the programmer he had some say in the matter
and asked him if he wanted to see Heaven and Hell before stating
his preference.
"Sure," he said, so an angel took him to a place with a
sunny beach, volleyball, and rock and roll, where everyone was
having a great time.
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "Heaven is great!"
"Wrong," said the angel. "That was Hell. Want to
see Heaven?"
"Sure!" So the angel took him to another place. Here a
bunch of people were sitting in a park playing bingo and feeding
dead pigeons.
"This is Heaven?" asked the Windows programmer.
"Yup," said the angel.
"Then I'll take Hell." Instantly he found himself
plunged up to his neck in red-hot lava, with the hosts of the
damned in torment around him. "Where's the beach? The music?
The volleyball?" he screamed frantically to the angel.
"That was the demo," she replied as she vanished.